Calls or calling old friends yesterday………..so many trials in Cyndi’s life to overcome. Her mom is 90 and diabetic, she had fallen and was not thinking clearly. Her kids, grandkids have taken advantage of her and taken residence in the house……….no one cooks or cleans….so Cyn arrived, she is homeless too due to job changes and health issues. She has done a wonderful job of caring for her mom….apparently the house has so much junk in there their is no room. Cyn seems to be pushing forward to get things done to make it safer and cleaner for her mom. Lisa a best friend for 25 years is going thru changes again…..its really heart-breaking to see so much happening around me and just wring my hands…..I have told both about finding God, but each view religion in the same way “catholic rules”…Lisa’s brother is Pentecostal or apostolic? Women have to wear dresses down to there ankles and socks no jewelry[ no wedding rings either] no makeup, no cutting the hair …it is very very rigid…no TV, no computer, no participation in things of the world except work..……ALL MANS RULES…….I don’t know if a relationship with God and Jesus is part of it…………so many things to do…..I haven’t seen William since Jaylee was born but if that was how God wanted me to be I’m not sure I would know him……Joan called and we spoke of purgatory and in the next life………..I plan to live in heaven forever…..eternally!! I understand she says the disabled would get to live normally maybe…….I can’t speak for disabled people personally, but for me………it could be a worse disability, growing up in India, Africa etc….imagine high school again! Once is enough for me baby! I will take what enjoyment God gives me….I may get frustrated or cry but in the end………..I will follow God to the very end and really look forward to flying! I am thinking of the song “I can only imagine” by mercy me……… =] always turns me back to God!

HAPPY 5^th BIRTHDAY JELLY! I have a picture by my bed of Jelly 2 days old hooked up to machines in NICU before her surgery and I am holding her she weighed 3lbs 10 ozs…………anyways I had to tell her the story of what happened before and after her birth. I think for Jaron I made a card and told the story of his birth too. As angry as he is at me for ??? He is very sentimental, I am sure it will turn up in his 30`s wherever he has hidden it. I think I should have a letter for each of my kids of my memories of them what I wanted for them ……..I sent Jason a card with my memories last birthday……”Jason of the Argonauts” was what came to mind when I named him……I wanted him to be an adventurer, going to different countries………he is in the Navy shipping out to Iraq………the meaning of his name “healer“ he is also an EMT in the Navy too…..…Jaron was named from a book “the clan of the bear” his name also reflected our names **Jason***ann****r for Eddies middle name---the o was to be e for Eddie……how’d that happen! And n for Nancy……I also found Jaron as a Hebrew name meaning to cry out or sing out……Jaylee`s name was Eddie’s doing…….I had opted for Antonia after his mom but he was adamant no way!!! I don’t know why the name but he wanted it to be like no other names………jay--A Bird in the Crow Family

Lee

Cinderella song by Steven Curtis Chapman reminds me of my Jaylee……….she loves to dance, loves movement, gives not a care to who is watching……….she is my future………..she will walk for me…….she will do what I didn’t …couldn’t do…….Debbie sent me a book called “The Best of Barbara Johnson” and in there a poem that affected me and took my gaze to my children…what my purpose is to raising my kids with God in their life…..called “the porch light” “Mother, why is the porch light on?”……….. My son it shines for you ………Thru the weary hours before the dawn as I wait the long night thru…… My thoughts go back to the bygone days…….To my innocent little child; ….Dear God! How quickly his ways have been by the world defiled………. “Mother, how long will the porch light burn?“……… Dear Son, until you come home……….. for my aching heart will forever yearn…….till your feet no longer roam……..My feverent, pleading, unceasing prayer….Is for God to protect my son,………and I hear his answer,…………. “My child I care”……….as I murmur “thy will be done”…………”Mother, is God’s light burning still?”……...Oh son! He loves you yet!……. To draw you close is our Father’s will, to rest without care or fret……….And God in His mercy will set you free……..To serve Him in peace and joy;……. To be the man That He made you to be, …………My son, My beloved boy ………….another is…………Thank you, Dear God for all you have given me, for all you have taken away and all you have left me……….both written by unknown source, but a truly tried mother and God’s child =]….kids the porch light is on….love mom

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Desiring_God/article.asp?article_id=1249 click on “ battling the unbelief of lust“ part 1………This radio broadcast reminds me so much of someone I know……do they see….do they know…..can they hear God?? Pushing responsibility on another …..God knows there heart…..both of them…….and both will bear the responsibility……please hear =[ http://www.oneplace.com/Real_Answer/12.aspx answers of what a marriage before God is ……. All the answers are in the bible…..you don’t understand, no time,……… ask God to open your heart and soul, open your ears to hear and give you strength to walk in his ways……..fall down?…..get up……look to God……ask God for help…..you can do it……disability is a weakness in the world to be dreaded avoided all cost if you are...looking thru human eyes…….but live my life for a day…could you do it.….now who is stronger……..not me =] …..God is my strength =]………..Jesus is my salvation =]….

Glory Glory Hallelujah he reigns! All God’s children sings Glory Glory Hallelujah he reigns!…..I am listening to a DVD called “worship together” platinum. It was giving by a wonderful caring lady in church named Joan. I look at the faces of the audience………babies 16-25? How do they know so much? What have I missed finding Jesus at such a late age …..in my 40`s….. these babies know so much more about the love of Jesus…..will Jaron and Jason and Jaylee know………In the bible it speaks of all who come to worship God, angels and “the sheep” his people…….Its breathtaking watching the young people in there devotion towards God and Jesus……… Pastor David spoke today in church about being with Godly people. The importance of following God and discerning right and wrong………..for instance talk the talk but living a life not according to bible or God’s way. A few people who were actually preachers but in no way are they living how God says to be…….People who are angry, contentious, who love to argue ….who condemn using God’s words……….who excuse there behavior or push responsibility upon another person………if they were saved have a huge huge responsibility on there shoulders the day of judgment. I often wonder I know so little…but……they are so wrong, don’t they know? Don’t they care? Pastor David says in the bible you are suppose to walk away …turn away…….do not reason……I understand that, my 14 yr old when I tell him something….like a brick wall…….sometimes saving your breath……..saves me a headache! Jelly’s “birfday” is actually Wednesday but yesterday went to sears …toy r us….and kaybee toys……and Jesus went with us! Got some terrific deals and she had a good time……Saturday started horrible horrible……but got better and better. I was pretty angry at Eddie and Jaron and so I actually clean the bathroom and bathtub……..I love them but WE ALL have to pull together. No one has a plan and everybody doesn’t know what to do…….so they do………nothing! It is so frustrating hearing Jaron complain his back hurts from doing vacuuming ……….or hands smell bad from cleaners…….its only for a little while….keep moving God is with us =]

This is an excerpt from February 20, 2008

HEAT BUT NO LIGHT

Quickie blog…..Doug you are in my prayers =]. I went to church yesterday, it was so great to hear Pastor David speak about God. It seems trouble is on the horizon about the church’s stance on sin……biblical speaking …..Pastor said though the church is growing and now able to do more we are still “for God” “with God” and our purpose is to glorify God in how we live speak…in every aspect of life. “The Cool Church” is alas “uncool”” because we are not politically correct or tolerant towards people who live there life there way. Each of us [saved] have choices every day of lives to follow Jesus and obey God or not……..interestingly enough in my bible “God’s Word” it is black and white no gray areas….no well maybe …..either yes or no. Pastor David’s message “stand for God, till the end”…we need to stay focused on God. At church many of the members came to offer assistance to us……I am so overwhelmed with the responses…….Thank you Nicole for the flowers and gift card and your company..…Laynie my goodness ready made meals and childcare….Joan bibles and company and gifts….offers of cleaning from Tonya and Laynie …..I have been going to this church for 2 years but have not been “involved” in its goings on……..volunteering is so important…..small groups…..Friday and Saturday night Cafes………I’m not part of that yet……..I would love to but it would take Eddie’s cooperation and we are not there yet…….the Lord will direct my path =]

I found this on the internet which I think is great in clarifying these questions….I have said  this over and over BEFORE he called my name! Now I know and if any person happens on upon my blog “making sense” to an observer who has not found Jesus maybe this will help. This is by Greg Stier, Christian Post Article “7 sentences for fighting words”. http://www.christianpost.com/article/20080213/31173_Fight_Club_for_Christians.htm 2. “Every religion ultimately leads to God.”

There is a growing universalism in the church today that states or implies (my more tricky friends do this a lot) that if someone truly follows their religion and whoever their concept of God is that God will let them into heaven. But Jesus himself took serious exception to this when he claimed to be the sole way to the Father in John 14:6. Someone once put it this way, “All roads do lead to God, most to his judgment, one to his forgiveness.”

3. “If a person lives a good life God will probably let them into heaven.”

The way of work verses the way of grace is an either/or proposition. If we choose the way of work then Jesus’ standards for entrance into heaven are impossibly high (check out Matthew 5 and Jesus’ “You have heard…but I say…” standards for real righteousness.)

But the way of grace was made possible by the only human that ever kept God’s standards perfectly, Jesus himself. If this grates against your soul then you are experiencing the offense of the cross

Genesis 3** The Fall of Man** I was reading this in the NIV bible…..It speaks of the serpent Satan telling Eve “ you will be like God”, “you will not die”. Oprah`s “SECRET” “SCIENTOLOGY” from what I understand mimics what the serpent said…..men are like God or little gods, whatever you ask for and go after will be yours, its up to you and no one else….. I also noticed they use some of the bible verses but only mention God as
“a benevolent being”….a downplaying of who God is and why he is here….Same story, different people and times…..Jaylee has been asking me about her Grandma, “does she have a white hair” Does she walk with a cane” “where is her grandmother” ….she and I will be out at the store, church and see an elderly person and ask is that my grandmother? Her best friend Zoey and Henesis have grandmothers so she should have one too! She tells me she would hug her grandmother and help her……..I miss you mom =[………..PUDS!!! Jaylees name for involuntary pooping in her panties! Causes ….I didn’t know for 2 weeks…….finally……I prayed……constipation! It ended this morning…she hasn’t drank water very much and laying on the couch all day I failed to keep in touch with her. I am usually aware of what she eats when how much , healthy or not……..poor baby I am so intent on my pain I did not notice hers…..my pain has lessened…..a miracle =] ….Pastor Andy’s wife Cyndi called and prayed with me……….what a relief……Thank you God …Thank you Jesus for hearing…….she has told members in the church……….prayers and miracles are tied together!

Matthew 25*14-30 “The Parable of the talent” I get that! one servant [5] talents [money]*****another servant [2] talents****the last servant [1] talent according to ability****doctor, lawyer, construction worker…..one invested at once and gave or tithed , helped others….he doubled his earnings….the 2^nd servant invested and tithed, helping others…he doubled his earnings…….the last one hid the talent in the ground….hoarding…..not helping……not involved……all comes from God, we are just stewards…………This also pertains to being involved in the church and ministering to people too……good to know..=] not so much about money but where your heart is, goodness, kindness, gentleness, love, joy, peace , self control ,all come from God all blessings!

http://www.ministrywatch.com/mw2.1/H_Home.asp this really really helps with how to give the biblical way. I often encounter TV evangelist sitting on my couch all day …..being disabled leaves a lot of time on your hands so I want to fill it with God’s words. I am interested in how other churches are Christians are and I don’t want to be left out or ignorant of what I am suppose to be doing. Many times I would give out of guilt or because I was suppose too…or maybe pictures of hungry children…disabled people dragging themselves on the ground……..I know this is a day to day life but the TV evangelist dresses and looks perfect there TV sets are high end and there is this voice in the back of your mind going hhhmmm how much would that have fed, clothed or ministered to someone they showed me wanting me to send money. This site breaks down God’s way scripturally speaking how to give……….where was this when I wasted Eddie’s hard earned money thinking that God would have me do this because they were so much “spiritually higher” than I. I think that it should be part of a bible right up front to get the born again …saved Christian ……off on the right foot! This site drew my picture of what God wants of “his” money”. No mystery now. I have my guidelines and my roots are stronger =]. Anyways your motive of why your giving should be a big part of this picture…..find your church, tithe to it first…..then if God blesses you, seek outside of what’s important to you and God.