I have been getting anxious looking around so many things I need to do......life is calling......as I look out my window for the millionth time......I wonder....................how long do I wait..........staying at home and no interaction is really lonely ...................I have no words to express only that I really dislike this time in my life ...........oh well , nothing to do but keep going.......at least I still have the christian radio, I am learning alot in this time about God and Jesus. That gets me thru my days and prepares me for whatever may come in my life. I did pray awhile back for God to strengthen my roots so here I am =] the best place for me and how God has chosen to answer my prayers....I am getting to know my kids.................did I say dislike this time, yup I did.....many blessings are occuring here and now.....I am ok....please forgive me God and open my eyes to see =]........................................May 31, 2008      

A STEP AT A TIME
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read 1 Kings 17:4

God's direction includes God's provision. God says, "Go to the brook. I will provide." Vance Havner, in his book, It Is Toward Evening, tells the story of a group of farmers who were raising cotton in the Deep South when the devastating boll weevil invaded the crops. These men had put all of their savings, dedicated all of their fields, set all of their hopes in cotton. Then the boll weevil came. Before long, it looked as if they were headed for the poorhouse.

But farmers, being the determined and ingenious people they are, decided, "Well, we can't plant cotton, so let's plant peanuts." Amazingly, those peanuts brought them more money than they would have ever made raising cotton. When the farmers realized that what had seemed like a disaster had actually proved to be a boon, they erected a large and impressive monument to the boll weevil---a monument to the very thing they once thought would destroy them.

"Sometimes we settle into a humdrum routine as monotonous as growing cotton year after year," says Havner, himself a seasoned old saint of God at the time he wrote these words. "Then God sends the boll weevil; He jolts us out of our groove, and we must find new ways to live. Financial reverses, great bereavement, physical infirmity, loss of position---how many have been driven by trouble to be better husbandmen and to bring forth far finer fruit from their souls! The best thing that ever happened to some of us was the coming of our 'boll weevil.' "¹

When God directs, God provides. That's what sustained Elijah during his boot camp experience.

We have to learn to trust God one day at a time. Did you notice that God never told Elijah what the second step would be until he had taken the first step? God told His prophet to go to Ahab. When Elijah got to the palace, God told him what to say. After he said it, God told him, "Now, go to the brook." He didn't tell Elijah what was going to happen at Cherith; He just said, "Go to the brook and hide yourself." Elijah didn't know the future, but he did have God's promise: "I'll provide for you there." And God didn't tell him the next step until the brook had dried up.

Married 25 years and altogether 27 years with my hubby Eddie! He surprised me with scratch tickets.....1 dollar winner =0 and a great card that was very sentimental. Eddie isn..t usually like that..........he surprised me...all I had was some words to print on the computer.........pretty much all of our marriage affording extras for birthdays anniversaries for each other we have bypassed. Maybe once the kids are grown.............Aidan..s BIRTHDAY BIG 3, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ~!!!!!!!!! Grandson another year older. 

Wednesday May, 28^th,2008 ;  My husband of 25 years, the love of my life……..I have no special gifts to commemorate this day just my words. I have loved you for so long I don't remember when I didn't! We have had a lot of trials in our life but with you I find myself working thru them. I just wanted you to know how much I respect you and how strong you are in continuing to take care of our family. You have done a great job Eddie. Looking back and too the side people and family members that have gone with us on this journey of our life together it has certainly been an adventure and one I couldn't have done without you. With our 3 kids…….who would have thought 3, I am so amazed WE had 3 kids…..you and I together have accomplished a lot…..and I look forward to more years together to finish our adventure…….one that started at King's Court with cousin Larry 27 years ago on July 3rd……..I wonder where it will end, I love you Eddie Comparan forever and ever…….Happy Anniversary 25 YEAH!!

Listening to Berean Call http://www.thebereancall.org/  about Catholicism and Mormonism Jehovah’s witness Muslim and the many many religions that have been established, all have there own “bibles” written by there founders ie humans……. “I” believe that if you read the bible….the bible that has been in the world for thousands of years……….the inerrant word of God that you will know who God is who Jesus is, how to live by God’s word that it will show them to be false religions…….. All have rules and regulations to follow and service or work for………none seem to have a heaven or guarantee going to heaven…….some only by works and heaven is described by mans selfish wants in their religion. In Matthew Mark Luke and John ….Jesus describes Judaism,,,…,,the Pharisees Sadducees putting so many laws in they had made it was impossible to know God to seek him that many people just gave up. They put man-made barriers between God and a man seeking God, eventually God became an obligation a bill to pay,,…. using money or works to belong to a church. When you read the bible Gods character shines through and what he wants……the bible is a light to shine in my world to guide me through.

Listening to 940 am in Tucson a sermon from a church http://www.livinghopefamilychurch.org/ here the Pastor said something that made me think about my views of being a Christian. He said “ being a Christian starts on the inside and works itself outward, not outward working to the inside”. Many times serving in church, going to church, tithing….all the wonderful things associated with being a Christian isn’t what God wants from us first……our heart, knowing him, loving him, being with him……all starts us to being a Christian. Worldly thinking means your service is more important……….God wants your heart ……and your soul……then begins the Christian walk! Starting backwards can lead to sorrow and a walking away from knowing God and Jesus. When you meet the love of your life do you give your heart first…..I have a hard time calling myself a Christian because now a days it’s a buzz word like “I’m blessed” “ “name it and claim it” wearing crosses or bumper stickers with cute rhyming words that pertain to Jesus…or being a Christian…etc…It seems almost worldly it is being used in Hollywood and frankly not of God….use of the word Christian is in many religions now. God calls us to be IN the world not OF the world…..transformed……..salt and light. So I follow Jesus eyes on God trying to discern this world…….I go to Christian sites that sell bibles and books , and it seems there are so many things like coffee cups purses jeans shirts flashlights with a phrase suggesting or outright name of Jesus or God on it selling for a good amount of money…….bible verses and God and Jesus sell these products…….I am reminded of Jesus making a whip and going to into the temple driving out the money changers and overturning the tables of wares and saying “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”^{[f] Matthew 21* 12} I know the site isn’t the church but it still doesn’t feel right selling God like a worldly product. Well I will continue reading my bible praying……..the rapture has gotten my attention now, some Christians say there is no such thing but many say there is. I heard Greg Laurie http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/search.aspx?q=rapture&resultset=titles explains it this way Lot and Noah when the wrath of God was ready to consume the human race God took the righteous out of the middle. When the wrath of God started, the violence of men and the sexual nature seemed to be the full measure or final straw. I am interested in so many aspects of the bible……..wow so much to learn, this I pray for wisdom, God’s wisdom to open my ears and heart and understand =]

Today my niece Jennifer is marrying Royce http://royceandjen.com/index.html I pray that God is right in the middle of your marriage blessing you forever and ever =]……On Thursday morning I woke at 6 am to news on Fox and just caught the by line Stephen Curtis Chapman died………and then commercial……….so later I went online and the horrible news of there young 5 year old daughter Maria had died by accident http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/ on Wednesday the 21st……..just really terrible how it happen and the effects……. There is a website to leave condolences…… http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/2008/05/maria-and-siste.html#comments and there are thousands of Christians who have left encouraging loving remarks to the family. Reading them I remember that day a couple of years ago when I was searching for something in my life and Jesus found me, my perceptions of the church at the time was looking in a diner window standing on the outside cold and alone hungry looking into a warm place and people…….who were eating…..I could imagine the smells of food like cinnamon buns, roasting meat, cakes, coffee…..talking together laughing out loud hugging children playing and eating………heaven at that time… a place to be…… to fit into………and you will know them by the fruit of there spirits……….the fruit of these Christians encouraging loving there hearts are showing I was looking thru that window again and saw Jesus shinning thru. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205-22;&version=65 ;22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely when you accept Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness of sins He turns you away from how you were living and slowly the eyes open to see yourself and how wrong you were living how you wanted WITHOUT JESUS. In the Army everything is backwards and finally when Jesus allows you to see thru his eyes you see how backwards the world we live in and ourselves are. All these fruits however are not acquired at once but take years and years of walking with Jesus. Reading the outpouring of hearts of Christians I want to be more and more like Jesus. Trials and tribulations come into your life God and Jesus stand in the middle holding you together and Christians surround you holding you supporting you. I think that is how God planned it living in this world of his. I am home, are you?

Woke up this morning thinking about Esau who sold his birthright for a meal because he was fainting from hunger ….then came to mind everyone who carries the mark of the beast cannot buy or sell………Esau sold his birthright and the mark of the beast you sell your birthright…….hmmm…...had to write that down??? I have been reading in Joshua 5 and one passage that struck me when they entered into the promised land and defeated or about to defeat Jericho the manna from heaven stopped because they tasted of the fruits of the land…….unraised bread and roasted grain, crops of the land. During the 40 years there clothes didn’t wear out and God fed them and gave them water every day……even thru disobedience God still provided for them…..watched over them……Abba Father would apply here and to every Christian who has been saved…..He’s not just A Father Abba Father implies like a father of a toddler…Being a Christian is a long long walk, your behavior is childish. ….obedience…..much like a toddler takes years to grow so does a Christian……….40 years now that takes patience …….6,000 years and still waiting for souls to come to him….God waited for me and I am so thankful…….reading the bible gives me a strong view of who God is and why history of the Jews…..Some days I just don’t want to put it down and live my life…..my family is getting upset with me but I am so fascinated and captivated with who God is.

May 20, 2008      

DOWNWARD STEPS OF SIN
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read 2 Samuel 13:1--30; 18:24--33

Tracing the downward steps in David's eroding family relationships, we now have Absalom murdering Amnon, a brother murdering a brother. "The sword will never depart out of your household, David." Here he is groaning under the ache of that prediction.

Now if that's not bad enough, after Absalom kills David's son, he then flees: rebellion. When Absalom fled, he went to Geshur. That's where his grandfather lived---his mother's father, who was a king in Geshur. He can't live at home, so he'll go stay with granddad while he licks his wounds and sets up his plan later on to lead a revolt against his daddy. And that's precisely what he does. Absalom leads a conspiracy against his father.

Later, Joab murders Absalom. The sword has still not departed from David's house.

David dearly regrets the day he ever even looked at Bathsheba and carried on a year of deception. And finally, in the backwash of rape, conspiracy, rebellion, hatred, and murder, he's sitting alone in the palace, no doubt perspiring to the point of exhaustion, and in comes a runner bearing bad news. Absalom has been killed.

David is a beaten man. He's strung out, sobbing as if he's lost his mind. Every crutch is removed. He's at the bitter end, broken and bruised, twisted and confused. The harvesting of his sins is almost more than he can bear.

If you have taken lightly the grace of God, if you have tiptoed through the corridors of the kingdom, picking and choosing sin or righteousness at will, thinking grace covers it all, you've missed it, my friend. You've missed it by a mile. As a matter of fact, it's quite likely that you are harvesting the bitter fruit of the seeds of sin planted in the past. Perhaps right now you are living in a compromising situation, or right on the edge of one. You are skimming along the surface, hoping it'll never catch up. But God is not mocked. It will. Trust me on this one . . . it will.

Turn to Him right now. Turn your life over to Him. Broken and bruised, twisted and confused, just lay it all out before Him. Ask Him to give you the grace and strength to face the consequences realistically and straight on

http://www.kgms.com/schedule.php This is a radio station I listen to ,kinda like a school thru out my day explaining and how to live God Jesus and the bible. Much of what is on the radio are sermons from churches around the AZ area and some from 30 years ago. I was listening on Saturday and they spoke of continuing guilt on a specific thing that was done years ago months ago and constantly staying in a state of penance for it. MY FAMILY seems to be a people of ENABLERS………always feeling sorry for individuals in our lives who can’t seem to stand up grow up move up…….we want to be proppers of that individuals, we can’t walk away and let things fall were they may…….the guilt or our imaginations that they will never get up and look what WE HAVE done to them. It isn’t biblical to prop someone up especially when we thwart Gods plans for that person. Being saved, reading the bible, praying seeing God thru every part of your life from getting up to going to bed and even sleeping ……..God is 24/7 7 days a week from the womb to death ………….now I can see that God works every part of our lives and everyone on earth for HIS will …the message came thru loud and clear that the guilt we feel………because we didn’t confess to God………and we have carried it around like a suitcase it gets heavier and heavier reminding us of what is in there. In our family we seem to think that God forgiving is not enough, WE have to make it right by propping people up. When we do that it is telling God whatever Jesus did was not enough…….that suitcase for some of us is carried 20-30 years………afraid to put it down because it is our penalty for letting a person down. I myself have a lot of regrets but feeling guilt of what I did or didn’t do I have learned to give it to God. He will fix it his way and I wait palms up ready to walk and obey…….its so hard to let go…….but there is freedom when we leave our failures with God, believing he will work it for good……

I am looking at photos now of DUJIANGYAN, China just horrific………Myanmar…….12,000 and counting for China…..8,000.……..Katrina……..Tsunamis………volcanoes…….just a slight turn here and there and the magnitude of what can destroy us by the millions……..famine…….drought………one little thing off in the cells that are millions upon millions…diseases..….so many things can and do go wrong……use to feel I could handle things…….now I look and see NOTHING NOTHING is in my control……foolishly I believe everything I DO I can do it my way……..glasses are off these human eyes…….the angels know……satan knows…..I am reminded of a scripture that “the earth vomited its contents because of the evil of man“……I have contributed to the evil when I refuse to see God and Jesus……..“we” all the inhabitants of earth have contributed……..so many catastrophes going on now and reading the bible I see some fitting the end times. Many prophecies have been fulfilled………I shake for my family and friends who have not accepted Jesus…..thinking about Adam and Eve and how they avoided God after they ate from the Tree, before they walked and talked with God enjoying his company and everything he provided them………when I sin I hide from God or find something to keep me busy so I do not have to talk with God thru prayer….I don’t like to feel shame, or guilt…..yet I hang on to it too long…..feeling sorrow and humble is a difficult thing for me, but what a huge relief when I talk to God =]……..the majority of my life I hid from God, and then that one glorious day my heart stood naked before God……….I pray that he captures your heart

This sermon Mr Charles R Swindoll and the LIFE HOUSE EVERY THING DRAMA go to together beautifully to not only understand mentally but visually. Making your way thru life is difficult sometimes, count yourself lucky if disease addiction death.......something awful has brought you to your knees to force you to look up and find Jesus .........whatever sent you there may have been awful but God promises he will work it for good.....for me trust is like walking with out help or hanging on......I could get hurt broken bones....stitches.....trusting but knowing God is so much stronger .....he made planets stars people animals flowers trees birds insects millions upon millions so I can trust God in whatever he chooses to do with me..................................May 6, 2008      

“A VERY PRESENT HELP”
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read 1 Samuel 30:1--6

David had reached the point in life where some people think of taking their own lives. He was so far down the ladder of despair that he'd reached the bottom rung. The last stop. The place where you either jump off into oblivion or you cry out to God for His forgiveness. For rescue. The wonderful thing is that we do have that choice, because God never gives up on His children.

David made the right choice. "David was greatly distressed . . . But David stren gthened himself in the LORD his God" (1 Samuel 30:6).

Now you're talking, David. That's the way to endure the Slough of Despond. The pits may seem bottomless, but there's hope above. Reach up! Help is there.

For the first time in months, David looks up, and he says, "Oh, God, help me." And He does. He always will. He is "a very present help" when needed.

Dark days call for right thinking and vertical focus. That's what David learns at this moment in his life. He finds that the test isn't designed to throw him on his back and suck him under, it's designed to bring him to his knees so he will look up.

Perhaps you have known the joys and ecstasies of walking with Christ, but in a moment of despondency, you've opted for the wrong fork in the road, and you're now living in the wrong camp . . . you're living in the "carnal corral." In the words of the prophet, you've been like those who "sow the wind and . . . reap the whirlwind" (Hosea 8:7).

But, like David, you've gotten tired of feeling displaced. The disillusionment has bred distrust, and the depression is killing you.

Reach up. Come home. The Father is waiting at the door, ready to forgive and willing to restore. It's time to return and strengthen yourself, yet again, in the Lord your God.

I have been purposely staying away from writing a blog…..I have been listening to 940am http://www.kgms.com/index.php on the radio….there are many sermons and messages from churches in Tucson, Phx, SV and others states…..Greg Laurie………Dr J. Vernon McGee…..I use to dislike anything about church but now my heart has changed. I especially like “Thru the Bible Radio with Dr JV McGee” on the net to……..such a gentleman…..“now friend may I tell you this“……….with an accent from the hills………just really warm, informative gentle and decisive……..this program continues year after year since his death in 1988.….he had started this ministry and stayed with it for 47 years, just a truly strong man for God. I really look at the demeanor of a Pastor or preacher his personal life and do they model Jesus Christ…….by there fruits they are known……..anyways there is so much backbiting and slander being done of churches and what they look like, how they preach, what the pastor looks like……….so much caterwauling going on………as loud as the democrats and TV………very confusing and frankly it makes me doubt if God is leading me because of what “emerging churches, new age, mysticisms”………after awhile I have to put my head in the bible and read one voice……….therein lies my peace……there is my God, My Jesus…….Truly the bible is the voice of God. My Pastor David and Andy, such rocks of strength…..kind loving just a really wonderful way of telling people who God is, What he wants from you and how to live for God……..when I go to church it feels like home…..I use to dislike church and everything it stood for……and now I am inside its warm and loving and the people who make up the church just who I want to be around…….I would love to be apart of it more but getting there, my responsibilities at home, disability really stands in the way…..I spoke to Eddie about the Pastors sermon…….not there yet…….when he is…I can be apart of church more…..and so I wait….and pray…I love you God, I love you Jesus……fill me with your knowledge and strengthen these human roots……….