I have just finished reading in John 6-7-8 …..the verses no one comes to me but is drawn by the father first..,……..Jesus is telling a crowd and then the scripture reads many disciples desert him……I have read thru the bible a long time ago but don’t remember these words. I was interested in finding out about the family of Jesus….brothers sisters mother and father……they did not believe Jesus until after he died………Adam and Eve Cain who walked away from God……I see even in the best of families the strongest of families the kids chose to walk away. …How can you be so close to God physically have such strong experiences and then just turn away…….…..pre determined……..predestined…….Listening to intentional living with Dr Dobson being INTENTIONAL………after awhile all is so overwhelming belonging to Jesus walking………taking every step thinking before you do it……how to be more like Jesus …act more…..think more……I am so tired thinking of things I can not do and still keep up with producing the fruits of someone who loves Jesus and want to do his will. Making a dental appt for the whole family and all it involves to get there ,to pay for it , it pretty much involves a mom who is physically capable of doing this. Now every part of my life is affected by this disability. I know it could be so much worse but having kids who need a mother who is taking care of them in every way…….so where does my help come from……….The Lord……Abba Father…….and life goes on….another site I had wanted to go to PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE with Joel Rosenberg and Pastor Robert Furrow it was a seminar that I would have like to gone to…..and I found it on the net recorded and able to view!!……Sunday we went to put gas in the car after church Eddie was driving and in front of us a man putting gas in his truck. On the window was PastPresentFuture.org and another said GOT JESUS! ….so thank you Jesus for answering my prayer in the best possible way

The Javalinas [wild pigs] came by again trying to get plants to eat ,Jelly is running around yelling “the halloweenas are here“………” the halloweenas are here“ what a funny girl =]……..this morning reading my bible I looked up and saw a big grey rabbit sitting in the pot of marigolds eating away…..another 2 pots one hanging and one on the ground a desert dove and a quail have laid there eggs……all my plants look pretty bad now with temps reaching 109.……sadly I look out the window and wish things were different……I haven’t been out there taking care of my plants since last year……..and so it progresses…..

Yesterday at breakfast Jelly comes out dressed in a tank top-skirt-pink purse and leaned over the counter and ordered waffles with strawberry milk =0.…..she has spent a couple of days with Zudy and daughter Zoë……..Zudys imprint on Jelly …..I don’t walk wear skirts order breakfast…=] …I love that she steps in for me to mother Jaylee…….2 dinners Zudy has provided yummy! I am so glad she tries to cheer me up…I was coming out from my bedroom in the wheelchair down the hallway and it occurred to me this is the way it will be for now on, I can still stand up to cook clean bathrooms brush my teeth take a shower and I am so grateful to be able to do that…..vacuuming I am standing very very carefully but so much easier than in a wheelchair! I am still hoping to drive but the longer I don’t the less I can………Mom called tues she is IN her WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE HOME!!!! Almost 3 years waiting, I seriously thought she would be like Moses [only allowed to see the promise land not go in] looking out Larry’s window for 5-6 months at her promise land her manufactured home ……front yard was torn up and impossible to get her electric wheelchair in the door……it weighs 150 lbs or more and mom =0 well lets just say at 71 mom is pleasingly plump! So last night she called at 8:30 about some papers, she hasn’t called in years at night…….she can take her time and eat……watch TV when she wants, watch what she wants….Larry has been wonderful with mom , lovingly taking care of her I applaud him and am so glad that he took up the challenge …..A+ little brother!! Now mom is in her new wheelchair accessible home with everything she needs…..but can’t leave it because the ramp has yet to be built!…….well it’s a challenge but I’m sure Larry and Mom will work thru it! *******JOB 28 12-17*******The Search for Wisdom Is Harder

12"But ⁽

Things are getting better with how I view my world, I hear so much on Christian radio…….reading the bible right along with sermons new pastors and pastors who have died 20 -40 years ago. My memory cannot contain all the information….I view it like gold because I know in my life or the people around me I will need to remember it and apply it. I am tired of searching for the door in a dark room……..I sometimes feel that this is the end of my life…..no longer useful……..no longer heard………just a wheelchair in a room. ….I am aware that Jesus is with me……but I rail against this disease fighting it pushing it…….and some days the struggle overwhelms me……….I think this pushes me to Jesus…………I am reading Job and Ecclesiastes actually hopping all over the bible….I have been stopping by lots of websites that discuss Jesus, this one is a bible study with a Messianic Jew who lives in Israel JERUSALEM WATCHMAN it really is fascinating to see the different perspectives of Christians and how God is speaking to them….this BibleGateway.com********Ecclesiastes 2*21-26*****

21 Some people work wisely with knowledge and skill, then must leave the fruit of their efforts to someone who hasn’t worked for it. This, too, is meaningless, a great tragedy. 22 So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? 23 Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless.

24 So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. 25 For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?^[

I have been listening to berean call and Jewish radio and sometimes Jehovah’s witness coming to the door and before I use to think as long as they believe in God what a good thing it was, but the more I read the bible and listen to what they say my ears are finally hearing what is wrong. When first starting out being saved and reading the bible frustration fear ….we lean left right fall down wobble……the holy spirit when you accept Jesus stays and keeps house in your heart. You can hear the holy spirit better the longer you stay on the journey of seeking the face of God…. his kingdom. I want right now…...not later !….God’s way is slow and steady walk. I started out thinking being a Christian BLAMM right away you know what to do. I think God has it this way to weed out the people who are only looking to belong on the surface not going on the journey…..it takes all of your life and still so much to learn…..I wonder when you die where your walk is at that time with the Lord do you still have that in heaven? I wonder like tests in school going from grade to grade will I automatically know or will I continue my schooling in heaven? Alls I know I’ll be there! I don’t know what kind of Job I’ll have in heaven but maybe what I learn now in my Christian life is what will be my job in heaven hhhmmmmmm. So my Journey of seeking God and Jesus begins with prayer and my bible day in and day out…..Christian radio and sermons music internet … I feel God has been answering my prayers by putting these mediums in my path. I first started watching TV evangelist but my frustration on my life mirroring the Christians on TV wasn’t working………when frustration starts you can turn to God or walk away……..hang on and keep moving read the bible, pray…..like exercising your muscles…..God is exercising your patience and obedience………..you learn to wait in silence……instead of trying to make things happen yourself……..not easy but for me I choose God to make things happen…..these songs……………………………. WORD OF GOD SPEAK ………………………………................................................... MY REDEEMER LIVES ……………………..VOICE OF TRUTH……………… WHO AM I……….IF WE ARE THE BODY………………………………......... …PRAISE YOU IN THE STORM………I CAN ONLY IMAGINE…………...AMAZING GRACE………..SWEETLY BROKEN…….KING OF KINGS LORD OF LORDS……..there are so many songs, our bibles, talking to God……...there is no excuse to float away….walk away……turn away……….even the homebound and disabled have all these mediums to pull us back to focus on God…….no excuses…..no excuses now……those who have ears to hear......

My anxious moments are always filled with revelant info if I have ears to hear and eyes to read.....new perspective........When Jesus told a parable it was not only logical but backwards .......when I try to see things my way it is ALWAYS backwards to the ways of God.....I feel left alone .....God is right there waiting for me to figure it out  =]..............with Jelly when she writes her name I wait for her to figure it out, then she learns...but I am there silently waiting and watching .....its her time to learn........June 3, 2008      

TOUGH SPOTS
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read 1 Kings 17:5--7

 Elijah was in a tough spot. A life-threatening spot. The brook had dried up. Had God forgotten His faithful servant? Has God forgotten you? Has He left you all alone?

The God who gives water can also withhold water. That's His sovereign right.

Our human feelings tell us that once our faithful heavenly Father gives water, He should never take it away. It just wouldn't be fair. Once God gives a mate, He should never take a mate. Once God gives a child, He should never take a child. Once He gives a good business, He has no right to take that business. Once He provides a pastor, He must never call him elsewhere. Once He gives us rapid growth and great delight in a ministry, He has no right to step in and say, "Wait a minute. There's no need to grow larger. Let Me take you deeper instead." On the contrary, He has every right!

When we hit a tough spot, our tendency is to feel abandoned, to become resentful, to think, How could God forget me? In fact, just the opposite is true. In times of testing, we are more than ever the object of His concern.

But God says, in the midst of your dried-up brook, "You are written on the palms of My hands. You are continually before me." Then He uses that wonderful image of a young mother with her new baby, and He surprises us with a realistic reminder: "Can a woman forget her nursing child?" You wouldn't think so, would you? But look at the stories in the news, and you know how many women do exactly that. Babies left in garbage dumpsters. Tiny babies abandoned---sometimes even abused or tortured or murdered. Yes, as unimaginable as it seems, even a mother can forget her nursing child. But here's the clincher: Not God. Not God! He will never forget us. We are permanently inscribed on the palms of His hands. Pause, and let that sink in

Today I was listening to 940am radio John MacArthur when he made a statement “ Humans are immortal we live for ever and ever…….but we live either in Heaven or Hell.” Right now seeing hearing touching right now is our reality just like we are here on earth we bring our personalities our senses when we die. Hell is on fire………Hell is dark…..Hell is Alone…….we bring our feelings there…….It is not so hard to imagine now…..Every Human brought into the world will exist in HEAVEN or HELL forever and ever……..right now on earth we have a choice to exist with God today and tomorrow or never on earth never in hell. When I was slightly disabled….still moving under my own power……….I would find something else to busy my life with ………now I can see the end and the beginning.